I wish I could say the reason I haven’t been updating much is because I’ve been inundated with creativity. I wish I could say I have been in my cocoon crafting worlds and poems and new works. But the truth is less pleasant than that. I’ve been withdrawing into myself. My art and my writing have been suffering because I have been struggling to believe in myself. I slowed down on my poetry and my fiction writing has all but frozen.
I’ve been rejected and outright ignored. And to be honest, a part of me felt like giving up. I felt like surrendering and admitting myself a failure. I felt like confessing myself a fraud and telling you all that I’m not the tenacious author you see me as. I never thought rejection would get to me, and to be honest, it doesn’t. It’s the silences. It’s the minimal effort people put in and still see success.
Lately, I’ve been struggling with purpose, and while I’m not sure if my purpose has been restored to me, my words are coming back.
In my Facebook group, I challenged my Stargazers to give me songs to write a story. Kathryn M. and Gwen W. chose Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” and Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris” respectively, and these songs have already inspired something.
I also have a list of poetry prompts from Quill and Crow that I have neglected, but today, the words are returning. I notice sometimes, when I take a break from writing, they come back to me. Like I dammed up a lake and now, the words are just pouring out of me.
I felt so close to giving up. I wasn’t just going to give up my craft but give up completely. I was fortunate enough to have the kinds of friends who remind me why I’m here. The ones who do not give up on me when I’m ready to throw in the white flag and surrender.
So, I apologize for the hiatus, but I would like to announce that I’m back.
I guess it’s just another resurrection for this phoenix.