This might sound like backtracking to some, but I have recently had some people reach out to me because of things I’ve said here and on social media, reminding me of my worth in their lives. While my existence cannot be dependent on this type of feedback, I do recognize that others value me and that their silence is not necessarily a rejection of me. Recently, I dealt with a rejection from a literary magazine, but I have grown accustomed to rejection, having dealt with it all my life. Lately, I’ve been experiencing agonizing silence in my freelancing career. I send out heartfelt letters to potential clients, hoping that we’ll be a good fit for one another, and I am met with…
Absolute dead silence.
I was also reminded recently how much (or little) I make financially on my writing. How the mainstream society, and by this I specifically mean people in my day-to-day life, doesn’t value creative endeavors until a product is produced. An actor isn’t an actor until they land their first “big” role. An author isn’t an author until they’re on the New York Times’ best seller list. An artist isn’t an artist until they have a gallery exhibit. I don’t feel this way, but I feel like a lot of people do. And the silence, coupled with the lack of income, hit me hard.
Now, I feel like the Universe woke me up and reminded me: you’re not doing it for the money or the glory, silly. You’re doing it for the passion. I might love an audience – I’m a Leo, can you blame me? – but ultimately this isn’t about the spotlight or fame. This is about an all-consuming love. The flame might flicker, but the fire doesn’t die.
And that doesn’t guarantee jobs nor does it guarantee cash flow, but it does reinvigorate me and remind me why I’m doing what I’m doing. Resettling into that passion has helped restore that drive, so, now I’m creating art again and writing stories and drafting poems.
So, here we go. The phoenix rises again. Don’t give up on me because I absolutely refuse to surrender my passion. My light might dim, but it will never extinguish completely.