This past week, I was in Colorado, and driving through the mountains made me realize something other people have been trying to impart on me for years. I am so small. So infinitesimally small. I don’t say this to self-deprecate, but rather, this makes me appreciate the world around me: the vastness of the oceans, the overwhelming giant stature of the mountains, the wide valleys. The world around me is huge, and then, if you take it a step further, we’re just one planet in one galaxy.
This has made me really appreciate my size in relation to the cosmos but even more simply, the world around me. I might create art or write poems. I might craft realms out of thin air, but right now, I am overwhelmed with humility. It sounds like an oxymoron, but I truly feel with the great and beautiful world around me, I am only just a mote of dust, a grain of sand. I hope to create an impact. I hope to affect people, but it’s no longer urgent for me because I know I am so small.
I feel like this is the message I’ve been trying (and failing) to learn for the past few years. I am small. My role in this expansive universe is minute, but I can affect, and even shape, those around me. Recently, a Stargazer told me that she never read much poetry but since reading my blog has discovered a new appreciation for it. -I- did that. I helped shape someone’s perspective and change their views. Another Stargazer recently told me in saying goodbye that he could never forget me because of my deep influence on his life. Those words marvel me because I am now coming to terms with my smallness. It is possible to be just a particle of dust but still be great.
For years, I mistook my lack of confidence for humility. I saw myself as unworthy, but now I’m seeing myself in a new light. I will never be as gigantic as the Rockies, but I do the little bit I can and hopefully shape and affect those around me, and that will be enough. I will be humble – not to reduce my shine but to allow life to show me her shimmer too.