I wrote a handful of poems (and countless letters) while pregnant. I have decided to share a couple that I feel comfortable sharing here. I have also written and published a poem about the boys I birthed in the collection “Under a Blushing Sky”.
Baby.
Little Mister.
My miracle.
(Never an accident, never a mistake,
an unexpected twist
of fate,
but the road of life
is always circuitous,
always winding.)
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
your daddy asked.
Before I knew,
we guessed
you to be a boy.
(Who knew we’d be right?)
We cried over you
so many nights
(never an accident,
never a mistake,
always a miracle).
We love you with such strength,
such ferocity.
We’re in love
with you
since Day 1,
since the test came back
saying “yes”,
since the first ultrasound
where we looked at your tiny little toes
and studied your tiny little fingers
and watched
(scrutinized) your tiny little wave.
(Your silly little wave I now emulate
to your daddy
to make him chuckle-
hand plastered to your tiny little forehead,
tiny little fingers poking out and wiggling.)
The technician said,
“It looks like he’s trying
to give you the Loser sign.”
(Your index finger and thumb in the shape of an L
on your forehead.)
I said,
“That’s his daddy in him,”
and laughed a little bit.
I’d be lying
if I didn’t say
I cried a little bit
too.
Little Mister.
I’d be lying
if I didn’t say
I’m crying.
I’m crying
a lot
right now.
Daddy and I talked
to you.
I wrote you letters.
(Daddy used to laugh
because I wanted to make a plaster
of my stomach
and have you crawl into it
for pictures-
a baby in a bowl.
I wanted to paint it with you
eventually.)
Daddy held me
and held underneath my big tummy
(big with you)
like it was a prize
in a Cracker Jack box.
He’d hold you and talk to you.
Just know we’ve loved you all along.
“Upon Seeing You for the First Time”
Upon seeing you,
I know my heart will skip a beat.
Upon seeing you,
I know my heart will grow weak.
I fell in love
with you
from the start.
(Your hand cupped around my lone finger,
your eyes staring beseechingly
into my own.)
Some days,
I go through these photographs we took
and laugh.
Some days,
I cry.
I can’t believe how much
I miss you.
