This Vision of Myself: a Poem

Remind me
what it’s like to be exuberantly seven –
climbing trees without worrying about
the consequences of falling
or bloody noses
or if that branch might crack.

What it’s like to chase someone
while riding bikes
without worrying about skinned knees
or twisted, broken bones.

What it’s like to be three –
painting all the colors
because rainbows are my favorite color
and nobody told me my art is terrible yet.

Remind me
it’s okay to be fragile
like I was at fifteen,
easily a pendulum swing,
singing Fleetwood Mac with my boyfriend
in the attic bedroom
one minute, debating what it’d be like
to kiss him,
tasting pot on his breath.
The next, crying
because he’d rather play his guitar
than go to some silly homecoming dance
with me.

Remind me
it’s okay to write the poetry like I did
at eleven,
crying, staring at the moon,
wondering why God robbed me of
the only people who understand me.

Remind me what it’s like to be
in my twenties and trying so hard
to be perfect and in control
when everything was falling apart.

Or my thirties and realizing life
is kintsugi and mosaic combined.

Sometimes, I look at myself
and wonder who I am.
If I’m just a matryoshka doll
disguised as human.
The mirror is broken.
I don’t fully see myself yet,
and I’m not sure I ever will.

Isabelle Palerma

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